Reflection

So I have been a full time mum for best part of 7 and a half years. I started uni at the start of the year and thought Fantastic something finally that revolves around me I am Sam there not B's mum or J's mum or anyone else just Sam. AND i loved that feeling. I am now wondering if I have done this at the wrong time. I am so busy with J being sick and B being feral (getting to the fun time of year with him)next year I will have 1 in 3 yr old kinder 1 in 4 yr old kinder and 1 in grade 2. I wonder some days what I have gotten myself into. Should I have stayed away when A and I lived apart for awhile instead of going back? Where would I be now if I did? Then I feel guilty because i love my kids so much i can't explain. Then there is the heart ache. My beautiful closest friend in the world lost her baby she was having before christmas 2 years ago nearly. I didn't even know i was having J and one day there he is (that was a hard thing telling her) but she is his god mother and thankfully like an aunt to the kids anyway but she should have had her planned wanted loved very much baby! :) My kids are the most important ting in the world to me and I would do anything for them. J has been sent to us just like the others for a reason. Life has been tough i am not going to hide it and there are days where i want to walk away from Adam or kick him out and do it alone but I don't because I have a feeling he wouldn't see thewm if I did and that hurts I know it does but also why throw something away just because of alittle disagreement? How do you think things work if you are willing to give it up without trying. People are starting to believe EVERYTHING in this world is disposable and often you hear oh well if that doesn't work plenty more where it came from?? What the heck no fight for what you want if it breaks try fixing it don't just give up. OR you do create these lazy good for nothings. People today need to learn to care. Make sure your life is awesome before going and crapping all over someone else.