Can't you see I'm in pain!!!

So last sunday i hurt my toe. 4th toe on my left foot. A took me to hospital because I couldn't weight bear and it was going numb. xray came back clear dr says those dreaded words rest and ice keep off it as much as you can. After a few days of pain getting worse not better went back to dr. off for ct scan. Came back clear. Saturday in pain hobbling along off to physio I go. Physio takes alook at it and says in all honesty I can't do much to help you.(voice in head NOOOOOOOO) I'll give you a new compression bandage for it and what I need you to do to get this better ASAP is to hot/cold bath it. so for 30 seconds in icy cold water then 30 seconds in warm water do this for 10 minutes in total 2 times a day. rest as much as you can but if you have to be on it wear a moon boot. Call in 2 weeks and leave a message to call you back and I'll see how you are going. It is now 4 days later and the pain is unbearable. I hate taking any medication let along ones that make you drowsy but i had to take something for the pain I was in tears. So the funny side to this is. Now A is back at work (he was on holidays) he and the 4 kids seem to forget that I have a VERY VERY sore foot and it hurts to move and if they all leave things around the house I can't get far. I just want my foot back to normal I can't afford to be off it this week or for up to 8 weeks I have too much to do! Guess online shopping it is. :(

Here we go AGAIN

SO J was back to dr yesterday after spending wednesday and thursday sticking his fingers in his ears (and on the odd occasion mine too) and it appears he has lots of pus and wax built up so the dr couldn't tell if the ear drum was perforated or not. :( SO back on a stronger lot of antibiotics and panadol and nurofen and night time painstop to help him sleep. My poor bubby screamed himself to sleep today :( Just feel so helpless. He is pale and has gone off his food and his head feels hot. So not fair. I told the pharmacist I was going to get his GP to print off a list of how many times he's been on the antibiotics for ear infection and he looked on his computer and said since June this was number 4 so in 3 months the poor little guy has had 4 lots of antibiotics for ear infections. So now the family is on the countdown to 22nd October to see the ENT and hopefully grommets or an answer as to why he is getting these infections so often.

Term 4 nightmares

Last year was a horrible term 4 for B he just couldn't stop the anxiety wouldn't go to school lots of fighting hitting kicking hurting running jumping etc etc so called a psych and told her about what was happening. She said she was concerned because now we have a pattern forming (last 3 years in a row term 4 was a nightmare) I call last years term 4 B's low point he got to the stage of band aides on every finger and toe to the point of not showering for 2 weeks and wearing gloves and socks to bed. Even if I went through during the night to remove these horrible smelly disgusting items so I could wash and dry for the morning it just didn't work get them mostly off and he'd wake. SO I was more then a little surprised when in our PSG meeting we didn't even look at term 4 anxieties and the teacher wasn't aware of it (even though one of his teachers was the special needs lady last year) So I told his teacher in brief what had happened and what I did and who said what and she couldn't believe it and said to me at the end of the day what ever is best for him is what is going to work for us so let me worry about here and you worry about home. PHEW what a relief but again I am questioning how much of a stat B is at the school. Principle's attitude is he needs to be at school he needs to be involved but he can't always cope and he will always gravitate to the younger children. So I am nervous about next term coming along. I am treating like any other term but only time will tell and after 3 years of this nightmare I think I have a right to be.

Term 4 nightmares

Last year was a horrible term 4 for B he just couldn't stop the anxiety wouldn't go to school lots of fighting hitting kicking hurting running jumping etc etc so called a psych and told her about what was happening. She said she was concerned because now we have a pattern forming (last 3 years in a row term 4 was a nightmare) I call last years term 4 B's low point he got to the stage of band aides on every finger and toe to the point of not showering for 2 weeks and wearing gloves and socks to bed. Even if I went through during the night to remove these horrible smelly disgusting items so I could wash and dry for the morning it just didn't work get them mostly off and he'd wake. SO I was more then a little surprised when in our PSG meeting we didn't even look at term 4 anxieties and the teacher wasn't aware of it (even though one of his teachers was the special needs lady last year) So I told his teacher in brief what had happened and what I did and who said what and she couldn't believe it and said to me at the end of the day what ever is best for him is what is going to work for us so let me worry about here and you worry about home. PHEW what a relief but again I am questioning how much of a stat B is at the school. Principle's attitude is he needs to be at school he needs to be involved but he can't always cope and he will always gravitate to the younger children. So I am nervous about next term coming along. I am treating like any other term but only time will tell and after 3 years of this nightmare I think I have a right to be.

Term 4 nightmares

Last year was a horrible term 4 for B he just couldn't stop the anxiety wouldn't go to school lots of fighting hitting kicking hurting running jumping etc etc so called a psych and told her about what was happening. She said she was concerned because now we have a pattern forming (last 3 years in a row term 4 was a nightmare) I call last years term 4 B's low point he got to the stage of band aides on every finger and toe to the point of not showering for 2 weeks and wearing gloves and socks to bed. Even if I went thru during the night to remove these horrible smelly disgusting items so I could wash and dry for themorning it just didn't work get them mostly off and he'd wake. SO I was more then a little surprised when in our PSG meeting we didn't even look at term 4 anxieties and the teacher wasn't aware of it (even though one of his teachers was the special needs lady last year) So I told his teacher in brief what had happened and what I did and who said what and she couldn't believe it and said to me at the end of the day what ever is best for him is what is going to work for us so let me worry about here and you worry about home. PHEW what a relief but again I am questioning how much of a stat B is at the school. Principle's attitude is he needs to be at school he needs to be involved but he can't always cope and he will always gravitate to the younger children. So I am nervous about next term coming along. I am treating like any other term but only time will tell and after 3 years of this nightmare I think I have a right to be.

The joys of pets

We have a beautiful grey bunny in our family (he looks like thumper from bambi beautiful white feet and grey all over just so handsome. B named him Mario. Mario came to our family when he was only 6 weeks old and he and his friend peach (after princess peach yep guess who had a mario obsession at that time)were wonderful and friend. Poor Peach ran away one night after we had friends over and their children opened the cage and left it open. (Peach was very flighty not as homey as Mario. SO now we have the one. He is very spoilt gets lots of cuddles and inside visits and is very very loved. Especially by B who will sit and pat him for ages. We have had birds and even tried chicks but nothing is like a rabbit. We dog sat while my parents went away and we thought great will see if a dog is for us but no one else wanted anything to do with the dog and it was with much relief he went home. I never wanted a rabbit why would I they are feral and smell and crazy and all they do is eat lettuce and carrots. NOT TRUE I researched alot about rabbits when he first arrived and They are so cool. I have alwasy been searching for a cat the same as one i had just to cuddle and play with and be part of the family not some snobby animal who will not interact with anyone especially with the kids. I honestly say now if your looking for a pet for your young family a rabbit is the best idea.

It's only autism

Hi,my name is Sam and my oldest son is diagnosed high functioning autism spectrum disorder. That's how I remember introducing myself at a workshop I went to with my mum.I felt embarrassed and walked away at the end of the day thinking IT'S ONLY AUTISM I CAN DO THIS. It may seem like a strange remark to some and to others it is careless but I take great comfort in knowing at the end of the day IT IS ONLY AUTISM. We have traveled a long road with B I will be honest and when he is full on he is full on but things could be so much worse. My son can read extremely well (well and truly above grade 1 standard) he is excellent at maths (again above his level) and for the first time in 12 months we are seeing a therapist (i have had phone contact with his psych but he hasn't had to go anywhere to anyone. Now why make this comment is probably a question that comes to mind. It is because I feel so blesses B isn't at daily therapies he can talk he can feed himself he can talk to me (some days wish he couldn't ROFL)he can dress himself he can play. There are so many kids out there who are lucky to even have one of these qualities. I have met a HUGE variety of people in the autism community and all with kids at various stages of the spectrum most with something else with the autism. Epilepsy, downs syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome the list goes on and on. These people struggle day in day out to get much help and my goodness they deserve it. B's paediatrician has always said she thinks i was on a winning formula when I decided to treat B like anyone else. I guide him when he struggles but at the end of the day I am preparing him for the world not expecting the world to prepare for him and again while some might agree I think if he can be prepared to cope with the world he can grab the bull by the horns and do what ever he decides he wants to do WHY NOT? So please excuse me when I say my son just has autism because at the end of the day it is the truth

Reflection

So I have been a full time mum for best part of 7 and a half years. I started uni at the start of the year and thought Fantastic something finally that revolves around me I am Sam there not B's mum or J's mum or anyone else just Sam. AND i loved that feeling. I am now wondering if I have done this at the wrong time. I am so busy with J being sick and B being feral (getting to the fun time of year with him)next year I will have 1 in 3 yr old kinder 1 in 4 yr old kinder and 1 in grade 2. I wonder some days what I have gotten myself into. Should I have stayed away when A and I lived apart for awhile instead of going back? Where would I be now if I did? Then I feel guilty because i love my kids so much i can't explain. Then there is the heart ache. My beautiful closest friend in the world lost her baby she was having before christmas 2 years ago nearly. I didn't even know i was having J and one day there he is (that was a hard thing telling her) but she is his god mother and thankfully like an aunt to the kids anyway but she should have had her planned wanted loved very much baby! :) My kids are the most important ting in the world to me and I would do anything for them. J has been sent to us just like the others for a reason. Life has been tough i am not going to hide it and there are days where i want to walk away from Adam or kick him out and do it alone but I don't because I have a feeling he wouldn't see thewm if I did and that hurts I know it does but also why throw something away just because of alittle disagreement? How do you think things work if you are willing to give it up without trying. People are starting to believe EVERYTHING in this world is disposable and often you hear oh well if that doesn't work plenty more where it came from?? What the heck no fight for what you want if it breaks try fixing it don't just give up. OR you do create these lazy good for nothings. People today need to learn to care. Make sure your life is awesome before going and crapping all over someone else.

Where is the volume control and intelligence.

B is soo loud at the moment. It is a common sign Captain A is here to visit for a few days. He stayed the night at grandma's saturday night and when i dropped in sunday he was talking non stop and trying to get grandma grandma to play games with him. Mum said he hasn't stopped since he woke up. LOL Poor kid 4 days now on full volume and todays he's in bed with a sore throat. Not very often B is home sick in bed so it must be bad. He is amazing He can rattle off a HUGE variety of numbers and can recite his fav movies from start to end while describing all the characters and what they do. Add in the mix his lego and oh my goodness. He just fascinates me. How can one little kid absorb so much. I told school if you involve anything with avengers or interests he will just keep absorbing it. He tells me constantly about things that happened 2-3 years ago and can give you details not just what he thinks he can remember. I think our world needs to look at Autism in a different approach. No not all kids on the spectrum are like this but I think if people approached their kids therapy in the right way you'd see that even those who can't talk would be extremely clever too. The whole spectrum is just fascinating and while alot have social issues too they can be helped. I think alot of our spectrum kids are too protected but that is for another time to chat about. Next time you see a child on the spectrum take a minute to appreciate that there is alot going on in their little heads and appreciate it isn't always easy.

FINALLY

So at paed appointment this morning we finally got an answer to J's issues. We are officially off to an ENT to discuss grommits. No more constant antibiotics no more up all night no more sooky bubby. YAY His lovely paed listened to my description of what's been going on and checked him over and read the audiology report and she has reffered us to a lovely (she says) ENT who should be ableto help us. We worked out he would have been on at least 10 corses of amoxcil in 12 months TEN. WOW So tomorrow first thing I have to call to make an appointment and we shall go from there. Poor kid has literally gone form no infection tuesday alittle fluid yesterday and full blown infections today. No wonder he isn't happy. Can't believe it finally someone has helped. We even have an asthma plan in place for him. YAY Everything is looking UP up uppity up :)

Is it all in my head?

Got a phone call this arvo from J's paediatrician asking if we'd like to take an appointment at 9:30 tomorrow morning because the numbers for the people the appointment is for have been disconnected so we are thinking they won't attend FANTASTIC. So I said yes of course thank you. (had emailed paed 2 days ago so she knew what J was upto) It got me thinking am I turning into oneof those demanding mothers whohas to be centre of attention because she has nothing but her children?? Is J really as sick as i think he is or am i making him "worse" because i want him to be worse and need me??? My mum made me think it at first because she sounded bored with yet another J being sick story. I am so glad my closest friend knows me so well that she is honest and said when i am tired and emotional i do get abit anxious but who wouldn't with almost a week of no sleep. So I shall be going to bed tonight (sore toe too) and thinking about am i making my son and kids sick.

A mum's love

I was thinking last night while awake about my little family. A had to sleep in the lounge because I had B and J in bed with me (I had crashed early). Whilst awake and watching my 2 boys sleeping I was thinking about each child as an individual. B while on the spectrum is still amazingly clever and has a love for reading i see in myself and a love for numbers like his Pa. J while only a toddler is ridiculously happy and I am so grateful he has a fantastic GP who knows him so well because he always has a smile on his face no matter the trouble (tho when he cries the whole neighborhood know it. This then led on to E who is such a beautiful friendly yet stubborn girl who is scarily like me but makes me smile with her ability to be so girly and all about her dolls or teddy and then out there pushing the boys around and giving them what for. Finally L he is our delicate one who is not very confident in himself but loves being like B. My children while produced by the same 2 people are 4 very different souls. I truly believe J was sent to us to help me let go of B more and trust that others are here to help. But come on poor J needs a break. His Gp yesterday commented on how worried she is that it is a recurring problem and today while he slept well he has slept alot and when awake coughing and crying :( Breaks your heart to see a child like this. And i can't get into his paed till october. Just want an answer so we can help him. I love each one of my children the same and am confident in saying that. It is a love like no other and changes who you are inside. You find a fight in you you didn't know you had and a care for another that you have no idea where it was hiding. Most of all you feel a proud sense of accomplishment when they are so excited because they drew a few lines on a piece of paper or helped someone put on a shoe or jumper. Being a mum is the best feeling in the world a million times more then i thought it would be and I'm so glad I have 4 beautiful souls to share it with.

Mummy might be going crazy! J's hospital visit

Last night I ended up with J at the ED because he was having another one of his coughing nearly being sick episodes and I said to A can't do this anymore he needs help. So round to my mum's to get her to come to. Off we set (around 30 mins to hospital)in the car J is coughing spluttering and screaming. We get tot he hospital and he is happy as. GRRR isn't it always the way. So we waited bout an hour to see the dr. It is a little asian lady who looked rather bored and pretty clueless.Couldn't find a cord to get his obs went to 3 different rooms to get a thing to look in his ears went back to the bed saw another 3 people the first lady comes back after speaking to my supervisor we've decided to send you home keep up fluids and give panadol every 4 hours. I nearly fell off the bed I replied trying to hold back the tears "he isn't eating he isn't drinking much if he is it is water or warm milk what more can I do because we went through this last winter and I have done everything. The dr was looking scared like a deer in a spotlight. But I was so angry did she not listen to me at all. I had told her this I had told triage nurse this and still no one was listening. Next thing I know a lovely young asian dr come in who checked J out. Listened to his chest for awhile and then handed the ear piece of the steth to his co worker who was looking puzzled. He asked how far away we lived and we said 30 mins or so. He replied ok go home if it happens again give him 3 puffs every 10mins and bring him straight back. FINALLY someone in there listened. I have decided next time I will go straight to the children's or monash as it was a joke. for an ED they were pretty chilled and not caring. Very scary. I just wish they would make a nationwide database for all records so i am not having to repeat myself about everything multiple times. My poor bubby is so used to steth's and ear probes and thermometers it is not normal. :( I JUST WANT MY BABY WELL IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK.

The day the roof caved in.

WHOLLY MOLEY BATMAN Yesterday got home form school drop off and was in the laundry when I hear this BANG CRASH and felt the house shake alittle. Asked L what happened as it's usually because he's run into a wall or something silly like that. He said nothing so I asked what had fallen he said nothing so I carried on for about 5mins then thoguht no something doesn't feel right i need to check this out. So because i thoguht the sound came from the side of the house I went out the front door and when I looked to my right I saw what had happened. OUR CARPORT ROOF HAD COLLAPSED. Ok so not the whole roof just the plaster board but it was on my car :( So I called my bestie to come help at least get it off my car so I can do end of day mad rush. Took awhile and a tradie from a building site down the road to help but we got it off. Was fun breaking it up to move it. But scary how easy it was to do. To think that stuff is what the roof is in the house. So played a great game last night because of course it hailed and rained and stormed and the wind was ferocious so if i hadn't been awake with J most the night i would have been with worry the roof was going to fall in. So today is a day of fixing it up and dealing with the land lords insurance people. YAY for me sick baby and dealing with tradies. BLAH

What is going on out there?

Jumped on my Facebook last night to see what was going on before i went to bed and saw a friends post in a support group. I was floored. I found a few things amazing last night. first how horrible people are, How awesome the support group I am in is the girls all rallied round and were wonderful to a friend in need and I think THAT is a wonderful thing, there are alot of sick people out there given too many chances. This issue is exceptionally sad because I have another friend who has nearly finished going through the same thing but her child younger and the offender a teen. I feel for my friend whose world was torn apart last night as they are in a strange town with very few friends and I know from what i have seen with a few people in years gone by that this person and their child are about to embark on a huge emotional roller coaster probably not traveled on since the child's ASD diagnosis. I found just reading the heartbreaking story I was full of rage and tears and I haven't even met these people. I found myself questioning those around my family and how well I know them or their families. Am I too relaxed with my children and who I let talk to them. Am I sure all the doors and windows are closed and locked? So many things run through your head about your own situation. and I think for a few days to come it will continue to make me more cautious about what is around me. My friends child will never be the same after last night and that is sad that a young person should be taken advantage of like that. It was also told last night that the offender is a parent as well which makes it so sad because how do you explain to the children what the parent has done to someone else? Such a tragedy that no family should ever go through.So sad. :(

Dress up day

B came home all excited last night from school. "it's dress up day tomorrow mum for book week. Mrs L says we aren't doing ANY learning this week, no reading or writing or maths just fun." "Oh right ok" I reply giggling to myself that I had to remember to tell Mrs L in the morning that this is what he said. So it was a late night of altering costume and making shoe covers because spiderman would need covers over his runners to hide the "normal" shoes. So all 6 of us left in excitement this morning to walk to school and watch the kids tell all about their costume and the smiles were impressive. All the kids were super excited. Mrs L was smiling when I told her B's information he passed on last night. Good old captain A being literal as ever. So I nervesly went to pick and waited for a tired and emotional boy to come out the class when his teacher asked me to come stand with another mum (B's bestest friend ever) and see what a horrible day the 2 boys had. She proceeds to show us a video of B's friend wrestling with B and pulling his ears. SHe just let it go and B was LOVING it! WHAT THE....... I couldn't believe it B was sitting there while his friend pulled him around and was being really rough and not one sound came out. AMAZING I think this friend of B's is allowed to get away with anything. So now I have a tired spiderman sitting on the couch watching 23 and nearly falling asleep! RELAX :)

Don't stress they say all will be fine????

So on Wednesday J had a few tests done at the audiologists because I was concerned about his language and lack of it. Last winter he had them constantly and they were one ear infection away from sending him straight to an ENT but he never got that last ear infection and then has had 2 this winter.Anyway because of his lack of words we finally had a take him no matter what if they can't get a result they can get you into an ENT quicker given his history. So Wednesday was the day. J was so well behaved charmed everyone with his cheeky grin and bow legged run. Went into the testing room and he was J that's all i can say. We then went into a different room for the tympanometry test and the audiologist says (with a concerned look on his face) "well i don't know if J had lost concentration but he wasn't responding to the high pitch sounds but did to the lower and the tymp test shows no obstructions" OK soooooo now what. "Well (he continues) I would like to review him in 2 weeks and we will see how his results go to how we go about it. There is definitely language delay we just need to find out if it is something wrong with his ears or something else. So it could be a language delay or we could be looking at Austim/aspergers along those lines." OMGWTF AUTISM really????? Well I know from research and friends and therapists that aspergers would be ruled out because LANGUAGE DELAY if there is a language delay then a child will be diagnosed as high functioning autism. What is one word you shouldn't mention to a mother who has 1 on the spectrum AUTISM. I was so relieved L and E have not signs of special needs. But J will have this label for the rest of his life on all medical reports it will say Language delay in infancy. When we send him to kinder it will say ti even if we catch up. Needless to say I spent most Wednesday night in tears and just wanted to be alone. Yesterday was not much better(L went to kinder willingly but that's another story) I just want to be left alone but not. I remember I was like this when B first visited the paediatrician and she mentioned Autism. Even though we knew something wasn't right it was still a shock to be told something is wrong. You expect everything to be in your head a fussy mum and then to hear it BAM. Everyone's attitude to the news is he will be fine he is the youngest of 4 he will catch up when he's ready. What they seem to miss is the sounds it's all in the sounds. You listen to his babbling and it isn't too elaborate where as all the other toddlers at this age could rattle of what was to them a huge story. Son't stress they say all will be fine?? Really how do they know and what makes them think this is helping me! No one will get this except someone who has had the same thing go on for them. I just want to help him.

Autism and playdates

So B (also known as capatin A) is having a friend to play today! This friend was meant to play 2 weeks ago on a thursday and we were all geared up house spotless I had made ginger ninja's (B's fav snack) and the whole house was a buzz. Got to school went to the friends mum to make sure she remembered where she was going to get to our house and she looks at me confused for a minute and says "oh I have some work to do so we can't make it today because I want the boys with me" (she is a teacher at school art and prep). Most kids would be happy with a re scheduled play date. B was at his worst and nothing would bring him back to earth. I am so greatful to my bestie who was able to help get the 3 littlies into the car while I was wrestling with B to get in and stay in. He was kicking windows doors seats throwing anything he could grab then opened the door and tried to run infront of a car! Scary :( All this resulted in a day off on the friday because he was still melting down over it at 11pm. Last friday the mother asked if they could come for a play today (she wants to be here with him) as her oldest has a play with a friend this arvo too! So I said yes! Wasn't planning on telling B till today when I knew for sure but he over heard her say it so we have been on the countdown to when L can come to play. I am nervous about school drop off today worried that we will get there and she will cancel on us again! Have even discussed with bestie on what I will say if she does cancel again. I will tell her (nicely) that while it is great the boys are good friends I think we should leave playdates to a spur of the moment thing as B can't cope with change of plans and not being told till last minute. Fair??? I think so because i don't want any bruises today! Wish us luck it's going to be a long day i think!

Intro to our world

Hi everyone! Welcome to my little blog about life in our mad house and how this are really when you have 4 kids 3 of whom are at home. Our little family is a loving one who have alot of ups with our many downs. There are me A is dad in our house B is oldest child he is diagnosed high functioning autism spectrum disorder and loves star wars lego and all things avengers, Next is L and he is a cheeky devil who makes us laugh and stress all at the same time he just wants to be like B, Next up is E our only girl and boy is she the boss she is a girly girl but never too shy to tell you you are doing something wrong or pull the boys into line, Finally we have J our bubby who is accident prone and always getting sick hasn't got alot of language but babbles away happy and always has a smile on his face. Our only pet is a much loved bunny Mario who gets alot of love and attention and has recently discovered he likes being an inside bunny. (I am trying to convince A we need chickens too tho) Through this blog i will be talking about home life new discoveries autism ear infections and generally whatever takes my fancy LOL ENjoy! <3 Sam